Family Spuds – Moorhead family updates

Part 3 of 3 on the topic: “Why Adopt”

Why do you want to adopt? It’s a very good question and one that deserves a good answer. I’ve already provided a short answer and Stacie’s answer from her autobiography. But how about “the rest of the story”, Paul Harvey style?

How did we get to the point of making the leap to adopt? What motivated us to go through all the trouble? When did we know that adoption is for our family? Who influenced our decision? Where did Stacie and I agree that we will pursue adoption? Well…since you asked.

For Stacie the journey began a long time ago. Unbeknownst to me, Stacie had a desire to adopt a child since long before we even met. She was inspired by someone she knew who adopted a child overseas and has had a soft spot in her heart for adoption ever since. A desire that we never discussed at length until recently.

For me the journey began several years ago, after our second child Sarah (now six) was born. We would have family planning discussions from time to time. Stacie would ask “do you want to have another child?” My deflective reply would sound something like, “well, for now I’m good with our two…what do you think?” I’ve always admired larger families but doubted that I could be a good father to more than two children.

Meanwhile we had exposure to several friends or acquaintances who were adopting. A desire for adoption grew within me. I thought it was an awesome example of redemptive love. I recognized it as an opportunity to make a real difference in someone’s life. It took hold of me because adoption is a picture of what God has done for me; He sought me out, accepted me as I was, brought me into his family as an adopted son, and redeemed my life.

However, adoption or otherwise I was feeling very comfortable with our two children (they’re great kids) and had a list a mile long why we should not adopt. A list of giant reasons why we shouldn’t adopt. Here’s a few.

• We can’t afford another child.
• We can’t handle another child.
• Our kids might find it hard to adjust.
• We would be tempted to compare the child to our two girls and that wouldn’t be fair.
• Could we love an adopted child enough?
• We don’t have enough space.
• We got rid of our baby things.
• We’re close to getting too old to have more kids.
• The adoption process is too long and too expensive.
• We may get emotionally hurt if it doesn’t work out.
• The child may reject us when they grow up and search for their birth parents.
• We don’t have time to adopt.
• We know nothing about adoption.

The list in my head was longer and every time the question of having another child sprang up, adoption came to my mind, and then the list would start to scroll. Nope. Can’t do it. Too many risks. Too many obstacles. We’re facing too many giants.

This went on for three or four years for me and held me back from deciding about having another child. Well, indecision is really a decision to not do anything and that’s what we decided.

Stacie was feeling something similar. Her desire to have another child was growing and yet she did not have a strong desire to be pregnant again. Her fears about adoption, much like mine, eclipsed her desire for adoption and kept her from making a decision or even expressing her heart’s desire to me.

Enter God.

There are no coincidences in life. No real accidents. God can take any situation, even one meant for harm, and turn it around to use it for His good purpose. He wants to make His children aware of His will, but we’re often either so enamored with ourselves or so fearful that we miss it. We miss the signs right in front of our eyes.

For Stacie and I, our eyes were opened on a Sunday morning. God spoke to us. Not an audible booming voice from heaven. Not even a whisper in our head while we were meditating. He used His written word, the Bible, and spoke to us through our pastor at church that Sunday.

The teaching was on the Exodus. The first time that the Israelites had a chance to see the promised land after their escape from Egypt there was much fear among the people. Twelve spies went ahead of the nation to scope out the territory that God promised to them. Ten came back full of fear and despair. They saw the giants. Literally they saw very large inhabitants. Strong men with strong fortresses. They saw obstacles and they advised the rest of the nation that there was NO WAY they could overcome the obstacles and take the land that God promised them.

There were two spies who had a different perspective. Two with faith in God. Two who saw the same obstacles, but also the blessings. Joshua and Caleb saw a fruitful land with much to offer. Most importantly they knew that they didn’t have to overcome the obstacles because they had God’s promise to give them the land and they trusted that God would overcome the giants for them.

John Amandola, teaching the passage, taught that Caleb had “reckless faith”. Read what is recorded that Caleb said at the time. Notice his total TRUST in God.

Then Caleb silenced the people before Moses and said, “We should go up and take possession of the land, for we can certainly do it.” Num. 13:30

Caleb was about 38 at the time this happened. He had reckless faith. I was immediately convicted in my heart that I did not trust God. Adoption popped into my head at that exact moment and I knew that I was like the ten who saw nothing but giants. I was not trusting God to overcome the obstacles and used them as an excuse to go my own way and serve my selfish desire to be comfortable.

I didn’t say anything immediately to Stacie. Instead we went home and had lunch. At the lunch table I asked everyone in the family to tell me what they would do if they had “reckless trust” like Caleb and trusted God to overcome all their obstacles. I don’t even remember what our daughter’s answers were, but when it was Stacie’s turn she burst into tears and revealed that she’s always had a heart to adopt a child.

Whoah!

That was my answer too, but she didn’t know that.

Coincidence? I don’t think so. This was God taking our two hearts and placing His purpose on them. It demonstrated to us both that God was at work and was inviting us to join Him in a journey of “reckless trust” to set aside our fears and depend on Him. A journey to trust. A journey to adopt.

We had previously scheduled to have our friend Elyse babysit our girls that night so we could go out on a date. What do you suppose the topic of our conversation was? Yes, we discussed adoption but not the kind of discussion about “should we” pursue adoption because that had been answered. Instead we agreed that we must take a step of faith. We don’t really trust God to take care of our needs until we put it into action.

That night we took the first step of a journey that’s sure to change our lives. And that’s why we want to adopt.

JPM

Part 2 of 3 on the topic: “Why Adopt”

In her autobiography Stacie addressed the question of why she wants to adopt. With her permission I’ve provided her answer to the question.

I want to adopt a child to make a positive difference in a little one’s life. I will provide a safe, loving, and nurturing environment where our child can experience success. I hope that our adopted child will feel at home in our family. Even though we plan on celebrating the child’s adoptive heritage, it is my heart’s desire that our child will feel an overwhelming sense of belonging, acceptance, and unconditional love from each of our family members. As a mom, I have tried to discover and focus on each of my children’s special gifts and talents because I want them each to know that they are unique and special in their own way. I never want them to feel like they have to be like someone else or be something they are not in order to gain my approval or love.

JPM

.